Jim writes:
I wonder if you’ve run into this obscuring red light behavior. For me, it doesn’t seem to fit under the category labels, and I’m not sure that it necessarily has to for me to try using the grid to work it out.
It was the “inadequate response” to a direct question. An answer without information. If I were to leave the SAVI grid and look for intention, I would go straight to labeling it passive aggressive. But what I really like about SAVI is getting some distance from attributing intention. If I go that way I feel cornered. I find the choices are only to either walk away, or confront, or ask another question (negative prediction) to which I would only get another inadequate response.
My question to the group is “where would YOU go on the grid, what would you try in order to avoid an impasse and create flow on information in this crucial communication”? where is the information in this behavior?
I thought it would be interesting for group members to describe what they’ve come up against like that and what they’ve tried to do with it. I think we’d come up with a lot of scenarios, not all having the same approach, or outcome.
I would call the behavior you describe as 'withholding' - intentionally keeping information out of the system. And it doesn't seem to me that there's much you can do to make another person contribute if they don't want to. However, you could always go to 'resonating' behavior on your part, by telling the individual how his/her behaivor makes you feel. For example, 'When you give me short answers like that it makes me frustrated'. Or, 'Are you feeling defensive right now?'
ReplyDeleteJim, I like your behavior example and invitation to explore application of the grid.
ReplyDeleteI see information in the "non-answer" behavior. I'm not clear what is there, but when I'm genuinely curious I have the entire grid at my disposal. I can move into "tells own feelings"...i.e. "I'm curious about your response." Then "summarize" with "here's what I said and I saw this response" before asking a "narrow question" like "Does your response mean you don't want to answer my question?"
Another response could be "tells own feeling" with "I'm feeling frustrated with your answer. I don't know what your response means and I want to know."
I, too, find that once I attribute intention to the other's behavior I close the boundary to information.