How Do You Think We Should Code "Would you like..."

An interesting learning at this month's meeting centered around the difference between asking "What do you think..." and "What would you like...". The first is a broad question (square 5), and the second is a personal question (square 4). The distinction holds subtle yet powerful implications.

The broad question (square 5) of 'what do you think...' or 'how do you think...' is topical in nature, emphasizing facts and figures, and general information that is verifiable. Compare that to the personal question (square 4) of 'what would you like...' or 'how would you like...' which moves communication into the 'personal' side of the grid and invites views and feelings about oneself and ones relationship to the world.

Consider the difference in the following two exchanges. For each, think about what the response might be for the question asked, and what type of answer might be generated from which part of the grid:

Exchange One:

A: I'm frustrated with all of this! I'm tired of arguing!

B: What do you think we should do (broad question) ?

Exchange Two:

A: I'm frustrated with all of this! I'm tired of arguing!

B: What would you like to do (personal question) ?

In the first exchange, the broad question that is asked establishes a focus on 'topic', and most likely will generate either more response from the 'topic' area of the grid, or perhaps red light communication if the person feels that he or she isn't being heard or considered.

On the other hand, the personal question that is asked in the second exchange is more likely to move the conversation into the 'personal' side of the grid, and lead to a more productive conversation.

Interesting to analyze. Now, how to remember that in real life, when emotions are high!

SAVI as a New Language

This Monday evening's explorations of SAVI found us comparing the development of SAVI skills to the development of foreign language skills. We spent a good part of the evening drawing connections between SAVI skills, language, and the development of new behavior patterns.

We also talked a good deal about 'voice', and the role SAVI might play in the development of a more authentic 'voice'. Specifically, the notion of 'artistic voice' was considered. Could there be a connection between 'Authentic Voice' and 'Artistic Voice'?

We also recognized the difficulty of mentoring oneself, and how important the interaction of a more experienced person is in the development of new skills. The more we explore the grid, the more complex it becomes, and the more we try to help each other along the way.

Exploring the Grid

On Monday night, we talked about some of the communication patterns that we found ourselves using during the month, which led us to work on how to make use of more productive patterns, particularly those associated with green communication.

An understanding that emerged from the group was that green communication, when forced, can become a restraining force. So, learning to authentically engage in green communication is tricky, because in order for it to be authentic, it must be authentically contextulized. If forced, it becomes awkward, and can restrain the flow of communication.

We also became more aware of our own communication patterns within our Monday night study group, identifying patterns that we notice during our discussions.

Our next meeting will be March 01, at 6:30 PM

Tone and Content and the Authentic Self

Congruency of tone and content in statements is an area that we're exploring during our Monday meetings.

The SAVI literature clearly indicates that congruency of tone and content is a major consideration within the SAVI framework. Often the two are not aligned. For example, words may be stated in 'green' or 'yellow' statements, while tone communicates 'red'.

As we talk about our experiences with SAVI, our small group discussion often returns to the importance of congruency between the content of a statement and the tone with which the statement is made.

This last Monday we took things one step further when we considered whether incongruity of tone and content could function, in fact, as a form of 'acting out'.

This discussion led us to ideas on 'authenticity'. Is the alignment of tone and content a manifestation of 'authenticity'? In other words, when tone and content are congruent, is the indivdiual closer to his or her authentic self. And when tone and content are not aligned, has the authentic self been lost?