How Do You Think We Should Code "Would you like..."

An interesting learning at this month's meeting centered around the difference between asking "What do you think..." and "What would you like...". The first is a broad question (square 5), and the second is a personal question (square 4). The distinction holds subtle yet powerful implications.

The broad question (square 5) of 'what do you think...' or 'how do you think...' is topical in nature, emphasizing facts and figures, and general information that is verifiable. Compare that to the personal question (square 4) of 'what would you like...' or 'how would you like...' which moves communication into the 'personal' side of the grid and invites views and feelings about oneself and ones relationship to the world.

Consider the difference in the following two exchanges. For each, think about what the response might be for the question asked, and what type of answer might be generated from which part of the grid:

Exchange One:

A: I'm frustrated with all of this! I'm tired of arguing!

B: What do you think we should do (broad question) ?

Exchange Two:

A: I'm frustrated with all of this! I'm tired of arguing!

B: What would you like to do (personal question) ?

In the first exchange, the broad question that is asked establishes a focus on 'topic', and most likely will generate either more response from the 'topic' area of the grid, or perhaps red light communication if the person feels that he or she isn't being heard or considered.

On the other hand, the personal question that is asked in the second exchange is more likely to move the conversation into the 'personal' side of the grid, and lead to a more productive conversation.

Interesting to analyze. Now, how to remember that in real life, when emotions are high!