And the Winner Is! Competing Behavior

The third square in the SAVI grid addresses competing verbal behaviors.  They include the following types of statements:

• yes-but
• discount
• leading questions
• oughtitude
• interrupt

'Yes-but' comments are easily identified, and seem to be a place many people feel more confident to start modifying their communication once they understand what "Yes-but" statements are and how they function.  A previous post in November of 2012 is dedicated only to "Yes-but" statements.  Find it in the archives.     

'Discounts' include verbal statements that function to get the other person to stop talking about their idea , including negative or contradictory opinions.  Any denial of another person's ideas or feelings or facts is consider a 'discount'.

'Leading questions' are really not questions at all.  'Leading questions' are 'opinions' in question form:  "You don't really think that's going to work, do you?"  Again, a previous post focuses on nothing else by 'leading questions'.  That blog entry is located in our archives in December of 2012. 

'Oughtitudes' are statements that intone a superior, dogmatic, judging observation about life rules.  They express an attitude that the speaker is tuned in to way things "ought to" be, and that everyone else "ought to" already know how things should be (the words "ought to" may or may not actually be used).  Listen to any political debate for plenty of examples of 'oughtitudes'. 

'Interrupt' is simple to understand.  We all do it.  We rely on it.  It's so common place, many use it without being aware. 

Competitive verbal behaviors are easy to find within any group that moves beyond the initial 'obscure' comments (social ritual) that characterize exchanges whenever people first come together (see previous post). 

'Competing' comments are topic statements that orient the listener to the speaker's personal position on information.  Competitive statements are characterized as those the avoid the maintenance of personal relationship and/or the topic under consideration, and ultimately avoid solving the inherent problems inherent within the act of communicating with others.